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I’m sick. In the head, sure. But, like, sick sick. It started with a sore throat last Saturday. I figured it was from shouting all night at the noisy bar we went to in California. But the sore throat lingered. It turned into a nasty, dry cough. I almost threw up a few times from coughing (in [...] I know, I haven’t been blogging. Shame, as my grandmother would have said. I’m tired. I’ve been working a lot, mostly at night, and staying up much later than I’m used to. I’ve been working while sitting on an old, uneven couch, which is killing my back and shoulders. I’m stressed. About the house. About money. About [...] With regard to my depression and medication, I’ve pretty much been in maintenance mode. The Zoloft is keeping me from doing anything drastic and it’s mostly curbed that horrible feeling of desperation and loneliness. But if we talk percentages, I’m hovering between 65-75%. Doable, but I could definitely feel better. I still get hit with deep, dark [...] I’ve been to a good number of shrinks in my day, but I can honestly say I had the strangest psychiatrist appointments today ever. Walking into the office felt instantly strange — musty and old, full of memories and secrets — like walking into someone else’s grandparent’s house. It was, in fact, a converted [...] I’ve kinda sorta been feeling better lately. Oh sure, I still struggle to stay awake the first two hours of the day, yawning constantly and pouring cup after cup of coffee down my throat. I’m still sleeping like shit, tossing and turning and unable to get my mind to shut off. And, just to add more [...] While the Zoloft is at least doping me up enough to not want to drive off a cliff, I’m having tons of side effects. I’m groggy, tired, run down, hazy, unmotivated. I sleep about four hours before tossing and turning for most of the rest of the night. Plus, it’s making me have to pee [...] I saw the therapist on Wednesday. I chose her because 1) she was on my insurance list; 2) she was a woman; 3) she was about three minutes from the house. All completely awesome reasons to select a therapist. Her office was full of kid toys and kid books and teen magazines. Paintings of happy children [...] Warning: This post is going to be a mess. A big, embarrassing mess. I’ve been sitting on a blog post for weeks now, editing and revising and tweaking, but ultimately I’ve been too chicken to hit “publish.” But I have to say something. So I figure I’ll just do what I do best, which is: Open mouth |
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