For the past year, the twins have been completely obsessed with potty talk.
It started slowly after the start of school last year. Out of nowhere, “pee pee” and “poo poo” went from being simple words to describe bodily functions, to monosyllabic utterances that would cause them to literally fall off their chairs in a fit of breathless hysteria.
At first, it would make my hair stand on end. But, being such a good and conscious mother, I would just ignore it or say something really enlightened like, “I see those words are really silly to you.”
Which, of course, would make them laugh even harder and cause my blood to absolutely BOIL.
The hysterics . . . my GOD, it got to be dangerous. The twins would choke on their food and injure themselves while falling to the ground. They literally could not even finish the words before they would fall over laughing.
That’s when we set the rule of “No potty talk at the table.” This didn’t stop the behavior entirely, but it at least made mealtimes tolerable.
Slowly, I got used to it. “It’s just a phase,” I assured myself. “It can’t go on forever.”
Uh. Yes, it can. It can go on. Forever.
The potty talk has not stopped. It has not slowed down. In fact, it has simply gotten more sophisticated with age. Sometimes, the twins have entire conversations that consist of the words “pee pee” and “poo poo.”
Elise: “Pee pee!”
Althea: “Poo poo!”
Elise: “Poopy poop pee!”
Althea: “Caca-poo pee pee!”
I’ll hear Elise playing with the dolls in her dollhouse — you know, the organic, gender-neutral, wooden dollhouse with the handmade, non-toxic, locally-sourced dolls that are supposed to inspire creativity and independence? And this is what I hear:
Mommy doll: “You have to go pee pee before we leave!”
Daughter doll: “Okay mommy, I’ll go pee pee! I have to go poop, too. I have a big caca-poo. Can you wipe my butt, please?”
Mommy doll, resigned: “Sigh. Yes.”
Attempts at diversifying their humor have been weak at best. I recently introduced them to knock-knock jokes. Good, clean fun, right?
Dwayne the bathtub, I’m dwowning!
This joke was hilarious as-is for a while. But it wasn’t long before they began embellishing it with a five-year-old’s sense of humor.
Pee pee who?
Dwayne the pee pee, I’m pooping! BAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
As might be expected, Amaia is catching on. Of course, her attempts at humor make absolutely no sense at this point, since she’s trying to mimic her older sisters. Just this morning, she managed to tangle up the “Trick or treat, smell my feet” song with the “Beans, beans” poem:
Trick or treat,
Smell my feet,
Eat your beans,
I don’t care,
I’ll take off your pants.
Somehow, I’m not seeing stand-up comedy in her future.