The Funny Thing About Three-Year-Olds
February 15, 2012 5 Comments
Having three-year-old twins is difficult. No, scratch that. Having three-year-old twins is the stress equivalent of being dangled above a pit of swirling, blood-thirsty sharks. Naked. Covered in chicken entrails. While menstruating.
Seriously, there is some shit that three-year-olds do that make no sense. No sense! At all! Why must they touch everything? Why can’t we go to Target for some bananas without causing a scene? Why can’t I just sit down and drink a god damned cup of coffee like a normal human being?
In case your child isn’t three yet, or you’ve forgotten what it’s like to have kids this age, let me provide you with a handy reference list of
Shit That Three-Year-Olds Do That Make No Sense.
- “Mom, I’m hungry!” <— This said while eating.
- Taking a dump and feeling no apparent need or desire to wipe.
- “I’m sick. I’m going to throw up all over the place.” This is one of their favorite things to say, multiple times a day. There is no explanation for this.
- Demanding to stay in the bathtub when the water is freezing, their lips are blue, and they’re shivering.
- “I want Daddy!” Daddy comes to help. “I want Mommy!” Mommy comes to help. “I want Daddy!” . . . You get where this is going. Uh, NOWHERE.
- Fighting over identical car seats.
- They will eat a piece of bread, a slice of salami, and a slice of cheese — but won’t eat a salami and cheese sandwich.
- “I don’t have to pee!” After she has peed her pants. (Though I guess, technically, she doesn’t have to pee anymore, so joke’s on me.)
- Sometimes, they spend all day long doing things to demonstrate their utter hatred for me. But the second I decide to give up and sit in the corner with a book, I’m covered in children screaming for my attention.
- Why isn’t an entire slice of cake incentive enough to eat one piece of broccoli? JUST ONE FUCKING PIECE?!?
Don’t get me wrong. There are days that are absolutely fantastic. I revel in the twins’ every word and action, marvel at the magnificent little people they have become. On days like that, my patience is endless. My love is limitless. My gratitude is overwhelming. They are The Children Who Can do No Wrong and I am The Most Awesome Mom in the World.
Then, there are other days that I have to lock myself in the closet so that I don’t spontaneously combust in a raging ball of maternal fury because for crying out loud, can we please just get in the car in under 25 minutes, and if you don’t know where your blankie is, then walk around the house until you find it, and I PROMISE, you do NOT need your freaking stuffed apatosaurus to fall asleep, for the love of all that is holy!!!!
5 comments
'Terrible Twos' is a joke that experienced parents play on us newbies. They gear us up for a hellish age 2 and then laugh as we let oursleves relax, "My kids are perfect. Age two is so easy!" Let me tell you… 3 is the new 2. And age 3 is horrible. Hang on tight.
But… age 4 gets better! It was almost immedaite, too. At age 4 they really started playing better together and dropped some of the annoying 3 yr old habits. Age 5 was even more fun. Now, age 6 is proving to be frustrating. ("You should know better!" or "What part of yoru brain said THAT was a good idea?" and picking at each other just to bug the other one. A lot. and the tattling. ugh.) But, the bonus is they are in kindergarten for 6 hours a day.
Just think, you have 3 kids, but you only have to survive 2 years of kids being age 3. Keep that sippy cup half full!!
Isabella was SIX years old before she would eat an entire sandwich…….she'd eat the cheese, the salami and the bread……..Drove me nuts!
Also, Isabella liked licking the mirror in the dairy case at the supermarket. That drove me bonkers too.
My recent post My Pea Brain
Sophia licked the target cart. She was five. The end.
My recent post A to Z
I agree, two is not nearly as hard as three. But four? MUCH better!! For an entire year my son had to have his blankets put on his prone form at night in a precise dance of HOW they were laid atop him, which one was under the other, and how much margin there could be of overlap. It was weird. And annoying when you really had to pee or something… and now he's just over it. So yay! But yeah, it can be a little bit insane. You're doing awesome.
My recent post 1 February 2012
My darling son started his terrible 2's at 2.5 and it ended at 4, almost to the day! Just as I'm taking a deep breath and enjoying this "new" boy I better hang on because my youngest will be terrible soon
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