Big Girl Beds

We have officially — and reluctantly — made the transition to Big Girl Beds.

It’s been a long time coming, really. Both Elise and Althea climbed out of their cribs a couple of months back. Althea only did it once. When she saw how much trouble it caused, she lost interest.

Elise, on the other hand, was a different animal. It started with the occasional escape. We’d find her wandering around their bedroom in the morning, sometimes diaperless, passing Althea miscellaneous bedroom contraband — books, plastic dolls, shoes from the closet. And, since Althea could now enjoy the contents of the room without ever leaving the crib, she had no reason to escape again.

But Elise was just getting started.

The occasional outing turned into a daily escape. Elise wouldn’t nap and would often keep Althea awake. I turned Elise’s crib around so that the short side was against the wall. This held her captive for a couple of weeks.

How stupid I was, though, to underestimate this child’s cunning.

After a blissful return to regular naps and contained toddlers, Elise figured out how to hitch her leg over the edge of the crib once again. The antics quickly escalated. It got to where I would lay the girls down for their nap, close the door, count to 10, open the door and Elise would already be out of the crib.

Upon my entry, Elise would scamper to the corner and cover her eyes in terror.

After all, if she can’t see me, I can’t see her.

In my Big Angry Mommy Voice, I would huff, “ELISE. What are you doing? I have told you a thousand times to stay in your crib. It’s nap time!”

“Yes,” she would reply sweetly. And in her crib she would lay.

Until I closed the door and counted to 10. Over and over and over again.

(This all took place in Spanish, so it was way more dramatic and telenovela-like than it reads here.)

Then, one day, Elise climbed out of her crib during nap time and hurt herself. At the siren-like sound of her wailing, Chris and I rushed into their bedroom to find Elise pretzeled painfully between the crib and the wall.

That was it. We made the yet another major parental decision with absolutely no forethought or planning: We decided to convert the cribs to toddler beds right then and there. Chris grabbed his screwdriver and got to work.

“Jesus Christ, I’m going to break my goddamned back doing this,” cursed Chris.

“Jesus Christ,” repeated Althea. “Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.”

***

For the next week and a half, I proceeded to LOSE MY FUCKING MIND. The girls would NOT nap. They decided, after two-and-a-half years, that the changing table was a ladder. The drawers of clothes and shoes were party confetti. The door knob suddenly had a purpose and they were willing and able to use it. And escape. And wander around the damned house whenever they pleased.

We cleared every single thing out of their room. I got child-proof closet door hooks and an extra-tall gate to barricade them in their room. To make up for lost naps, Chris and I moved their bed time up from 8:30 to 7 p.m.

Fighting against the purple circles under their eyes and heavy pink eyelids, the girls would pass out within seconds. The following day, they would be whining, tantruming, defiant, miserable, exhausted heaps of tortured toddlerhood.

The whole experience took a major toll on my Mommy fortitude. I very quickly went from Generally Okay Mommy to Ready To Sell The Kids On eBay Mommy.

Turns out, eBay doesn’t work that way.

***

What finally worked was separating the girls for their naps. I put Althea in our bed and leave Elise alone in their bedroom. I’ve been doing this for a week and a half, and they’ve both gotten used to the new sleeping arrangements. Elise generally falls asleep pretty quickly, while Althea likes to have a few books to zone out with before she crashes a little while later.

Bedtime generally isn’t a problem, though we do occasionally find Elise sleeping on the ground.

This has been a learning experience, to put it gently — and I’m referring to us as parents, not the kids. And it’s making me feel like a mom to little girls instead of twin babies.