Just Feelings

I’ve been back in therapy for about a month now. Every time I get to a new therapist’s office, I find myself in a different life stage. In each of those stages, I’m pretty certain I know everything. I’ve finally figured myself out. I’ve got it all under a microscope and I don’t need any silly armchair psychology.

I really like my new Therapista. She’s from San Francisco, and her liberal upbringing is evident in her long, barely tamed gray hair, makeup-less face and quirky clothes. I like that she respects my personality by not delivering platitudes.

The problem, then, with Therapista is that she’s smart. And, despite her slightly crunchy demeanor, I don’t think she’s going to let me get away with shit.

Last week, I divulged some intimate, problematic feelings I’m having about this pregnancy. I rambled on about being ashamed at feeling less-than cosmically thrilled, terrified at the changes in my body, scared about how the new baby will fit into our lives when things are so difficult as it is.

Therapista reassured me that these moments will pass. I will fall in love with my new daughter just like I did with the girls.

“Sure, but how do I deal with these feelings in the meantime? What’s the mantra I tell myself to get through this right now?” I whined.

She tilted her chin slightly downward so her eyes gazed up at me. With a tiny shake of the head, she replied, “The mantra you tell yourself is that these are just feelings.”

Uh? Just feelings? JUST feelings? Just feelings?? Um, excuse me lady, but in case you haven’t been reading Cosmo for the past 25 years, FEELINGS are the most important thing in this world! We are shackled to our feelings! Our feelings are our destiny! They define our past, shape our present and inform our future! We must acknowledge, belabor, journal, share, celebrate, reward, punish, revel in, and carry around our feelings like so much emotional baggage!

… Oh wait. Um. I think… Hm. Maybe you’re on to something there. Maybe some feelings do require examination while others are just buzzing flies that will eventually run out of steam and drop dead on the kitchen counter, where we can sweep them onto the back cover of said Cosmo and unceremoniously dump them into the trash bin.

It’s a totally foreign and even uncomfortable concept if you’re as inured to pop psychology as I am. But, looked at another way, this new little mantra takes away the weight, the burden of some feelings. It makes them a lot less scary. Not every emotion is definitive. Not every emotion has to mean that you’re an evil person, that you need fixing, that you’ve got deep-seated psychological issues that are bound to destroy you and the lives of those you love.

Some feelings are just feelings and they’ll go away when you’re done feeling them, or when you get a good night’s sleep, or when you eat some chocolate or have a good cry.

So, while it turns out I still don’t know everything, I think this time on the couch might actually be productive and eventful for my life.

Just a feeling.