I Got Nothin’
I have nothing to write about.
No, really. I don’t.
Okay, lemme think. Ummmm…….. There was that one thing that seemed pretty interes–….
Nope. Still nothing.
The girls are still cute. Here they are in my in-laws’ dog bed. (???) Well, not my in-laws’ dog bed, but their dog’s dog bed. You know what I mean.
And speaking of dogs, our dog is leaving tomorrow. Rather, we’re giving him up. A million reasons why, but him being 90 pounds, dangerously oblivious and aggressive-acting toward the girls has a little something to do with it. It’s really Chris’ dog and I’m not sure how it’ll hit him — Chris or the dog — tomorrow, but having known the dog for almost seven years now, I may feel a little tug at the ole heartstrings too.
Since we’re on the topic of the heart, I might as well tell you all that I’m going back into therapy. Like, real, talk-your-shit-out therapy. I’ve been to psychiatrists over the past few years, but have neglected the actual non-drug-related maintenance of my well-being for many, many years. I have two appointments this week with different therapists. I need it pretty bad. Not taking any head pills, plus the craziness that is this pregnancy, are really turning me into a horrible human being.
About the pregnancy….Well, the nausea is mostly gone. I can eat again. So that’s good. But man, when they say every pregnancy is different, they aren’t kidding. With the girls, I was euphoric. The massive surge of hormones was the best antidepressant I’d ever had. This time around, I’m a MESS. With a capital M-E-S-S. I’m super depressed, haywire, unstable. My moods turn on a dime. I’m having frequent headaches and migraines. I’m exhausted, uninspired and disorganized. It’s incredibly hard to deal with this nonsense when I already have two kids and a husband who need someone who isn’t a nutcase.
Okay, maybe I had a few things to say. I’ll shut up now.
10 comments
You know you can poke me any time. To vent, babble, whatever.
I'm glad you're seeing someone but I know how terrifying that is.
You can do this, and I'm sorry doing it sucks so fucking bad right now.
Love ya lady.
And I'm sad to hear about Salmon too.
(((hugs)))
I had that with my two pregnancies too. I just had this horrible sense of foreboding. I wouldn't let my daughter out of my sight accept to go to daycare and then I worried non-stop. When I went to the hospital to have my c-sections I had panic attacks, and then afterward I had to be put on anxiety meds and anti-depressants. Now two years later I've just come to realize that the hormones were just really different with my second pregnancy and they just made me feel like a completely different person. A crazy person.
There is nothing wrong with reaching out and getting help. Having someone to talk to that you trust and that can help you work through what is going on is great. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength. And mostly it is a sign of a good mother that knows when she needs help and asks for it.
Good luck.
Oof. That sounds like absolutely no fun at all. But good fir you, for asking for help when you need it. Too many women wouldn’t. Keep writing. Keep talking. Things will get better.
I stayed on my meds for both my pregnancies. There was no scientific evidence yet that showed that they were harmful, and the risk of that possibility was completely outweighed by the certainty of my completely losing my shit if I went off them. So, that was my choice.
I hope you continue to reach out. Go ahead, poke Maria. She likes that kind of thing.
Oy. Good for you that you're letting it out online and in therapy!
I also get terrible migraines, and when I was pregnant I found that small snacks of protein throughout the day helped a lot (should help with nausea too)–I carried around bags of cubed cheddar cheese and little packs of nuts everywhere I went.
I know what it's like to feel like you're losing your grip on everything you have to take care of, you have to be a little bit selfish and take care of yourself first…and everything else will fall into place. Oh, and your husband will just need to suck up having a moody pregnant wife until he has to deal with a moody postnatal one
I suffered from pregnancy depression with West. I knew I was crazy when I threw my son's IKEA chair at my husband.
Will be thinking about you, sending good vibes.
I had a moment like that when the girls were about 9 months old. That's when the shrink rollercoaster started last time. Hormones are incredibly powerful little buggers, aren't they?
Good plan to do the talking therapy non-drug maintenance. Supposedly the drugs are much more effective in tandem with therapy, and since you can't do anything but therapy right now, you need something to get you through.
I effing hate what pregnancy/postpartum did to my brain. Part of me wonders what would happen if we decided to do this again (which would necessitate going off the drug I'm on now–not cool).
Hang in there, lady. You're tougher than you think and you WILL make it through this.
Hugs to you. I know where you're at, well, at least as much as someone who doesn't know you at all can be. But, having had two pregnancies, I know how it feels to feel dangerously … not yourself. It's hard. Hug.
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