Job Descriptions
May 6, 2010 10 Comments
I’ve been thinking a lot about my job as a stay-at-home mom.
I purposely don’t put quotes around the word “job,” even though every feminist instinct in me wants to. Because hey, this gig doesn’t pay jack shit, and doesn’t a “real” “job” bring in a paycheck? Isn’t my worth as a contributing member of this family tied to my annual salary, my gainful employment — or lack thereof?
As the girls get older, my job gets harder. If I were still who I was five years ago, I’d look at my current job description of SAHM and laugh at myself. Stay at home? Mom? Uh, EASY. No obligatory bathing (myself), no dressing up for work, no bureaucratic red tape, no makeup, no high heels, no non-ergonomic chairs, no middle management, no client calls, no 12-hour days behind a desk.
Stay-at-home moms just play all day, zone out on soaps, burn food, sleep in and give up on any attempt at cleanliness or self-esteem.
In the words of the Rolling Stones, a permanent vacation.
But becoming a SAHM has been extremely difficult, emotionally and financially. I expected the finances to be tough. I was a little surprised at all the emotions that arose. But what I didn’t expect was the actual fact that staying at home and raising kids is freaking HARD.
Here’s my analogy:
I used to be the editor of a major tourism website. This meant I worked with designers and developers (and project managers and clients and salespeople and analysts and. . . ). If a web page wasn’t browser compliant, I would inform the developer and he/she would fix it. If I didn’t agree with the layout or design of a page, the designer and I would talk it out. If sales wasn’t happy with click-through or ad positions, we would meet to talk about ad placement and cross-promo opportunities.
In other words, if I told someone to do something, they either did it or talked it out with me to make something happen. If someone told me to do something, I either complied or argued for a rational compromise.
Not so with motherhood.
I spend a decent portion of my day talking to people who don’t speak my language. A simple “Are you hungry?” is met with “Baahelgih goaishhglc lsdlfkajsgiieeeeee!”
I tell someone to do something, and they take off running in the opposite direction, laughing and farting with glee.
I try to explain the simplest of tasks (“Do NOT put the fork IN YOUR EYE.”), point out the most logical of conditions (“When you throw your blankie on the floor, you no longer have your blankie in your hand; you want the blankie in your hand. You WANT the blankie in your….OH GODDAMMIT.”), elaborate on the most evident consequences of one’s actions (“If you don’t put on your diaper, you will shit all over the floor.”).
Nothing.
You’d think these kids were being raised in a barn.
So, to anyone out there who thinks a stay-at-home mother just gets to “stay at home” . . .
Yeah. Suck it.
10 comments
Don't forget, a "real" "job" is generally set hours. Like 8 or 9 a day, not 24. Some things seem to get more frustrating, too. Right now, you talk at them and they babble at you. You know that you are somewhat talking over their heads, but you keep doing it because that is how they will learn. Then, they become 3 or 4, and now you say many of the same things "to" them, not "at" them. You have higher expectations. They should know better. At least that is what is running through your head. But, they still don't comply and it irks your cookies beyond belief. It's a good thing they are so cute!!
Like Jill said……….it's also a 24/7 job…..with extra work on the holidays
Wait, it gets harder. Wait until they think they know more than you and try to argue about every little thing. Now I know what I put my parents through. Oh yeah and mine are only 6 and 8. I'm definately not looking forward to the teenage years when they can just tell me to fuck off and drive away in their car. No wonder my Mom drank "wine with dinner" EVERY night.
la-la-la-la … I'm not listening to you! (I shake with fear when I think I am going to have 2 16 yr olds at the same time… 2 new drivers, telling me to take a hike and rolling eyes at me.) This is definitely why we get such cute, precious babies and toddlers. If you didn't fall in love with them then, how could you handle the teen years, right? (I can't wait to have grandkids!)
Excellent point, Jill. No vacation. No breaks. No personal days.
Ugh, I can't even go there. Remember how AWFUL we were to our parents?
Ever conducted a training class? Adults with eyes glossed over, texting, chewing their pen, etc. But, at least they are pretending to care about what you say. Now, try conducting some potty training seminars. Ha! There is no "training" in potty training! Whoever coined that phrase should be burried in pee soaked toddler clothes and topped off with poop.
The only SAHMs that get to 'just stay home' are those mothers whose children have finally moved out.
I just want to start by saying my SO was sitting next to me while I was reading your blog (title) and asked "What kind of job are you looking for?" After I laugh really hard he says, "do i even want to know how dumb that question was?" ohh dear..
Okay, so I just discovered your blog and I laughed so hard at this that I nearly spit wine all over my keyboard. You just hit the nail on the head. ALL OF THOSE THINGS are why I am NOT a SAHM anymore. I just don't have the patience, but deeply respect all of you who do.
Your blog is awesome, by the way.
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