ControverSunday: Extended Breastfeeding
March 21, 2010 10 Comments
Okay, I’ll bite.
Ms. Perpetua has been doing this for the past few weeks and I’m ready to jump in. It’s called ControverSunday, where we write about stuff that polarizes the best of friends and angers the most loyal of readers. I love it.
This week’s topic is extended breastfeeding, a subject near to my heart. (Literally, because I’ll be talking about my boobs, and they are located near my heart.)
I’d never heard of “extended” breastfeeding until a few months into my own breastfeeding experience. Back then, as now, I didn’t really think about how long I would breastfeed my twins. I breastfeed today, and probably will tomorrow, and likely the day after that.
Or maybe not. I’m not sure anymore.
In any case, here we are, 16+ months in, and I’m still nursing my babies. Er, kids, I guess. Because Elise and Althea aren’t babies anymore. I snuggle them close to my sides when they’re nursing and, in my mind, they are still tiny, needy little newborns. But then I glance over my shoulder and see round toddler bellies and long toddler legs and I realize that I have two thinking, learning humans drinking milk from my breasts.
It rattles me for a fleeting second because I know there are people who think it’s strange that I’m still breastfeeding my 16 month olds. Thing is, I don’t think it’s strange. Most of the mom friends I hang out with don’t think it’s strange, either. Many of them are still nursing their kids — toddlers who are the same age as Elise and Althea.
Perpetua elucidates an underlying but major aspect surrounding the controversy with extended breastfeeding:
This discussion seems to have less to do with nutrition than it does with how we feel about breasts in public, and how we feel about the way a two-year-old relates to those breasts. Regarding the first issue, there’s nothing inherently wrong with breastfeeding in public. Kids exist, kids have to eat, some kids eat breastmilk, la dee da. Adults relate to the public display of breasts differently. . . .
This leaves us with how toddlers (as opposed to “un-thinking” infants) relate to breasts. I’ve heard the “If he’s old enough to ask for it, he’s old enough to stop!” rule before, which also seems rather a bit too arbitrary. . . . More to the point, though, is that toddlers most likely don’t relate to breasts as sexual objects. WE relate to toddlers relating to breasts with sexuality in mind.
And that’s where I think some folks have a problem. I understand that people get uncomfortable with the idea and/or act of breastfeeding an older infant or toddler, particularly in public and especially in the U.S. The sexualization of the lactating mother and her nursling is indicative of the larger social perceptions and fears of sexuality in general. And that’s stating it mildly. As they say, we’re more comfortable with the sight of people being blown up on film than we are with the flash of a nipple during the Super Bowl halftime show.
But every day, there are small revolutions that challenge this attitude — from the public protests against breastfeeding discrimination to a Facebook fan page on the historical images of women breastfeeding.
So where was I going with this . . . Oh yeah, boobs. The bottom line:
- Breastfeeding is great and I’m a very strong advocate for breastfeeding your child(ren) as long as possible and is comfortable for mother and baby.
- Extended breastfeeding is great too.
- Except, in my opinion, when the nursing child is old enough to warrant a film crew coming out to document it. I saw that lady on that BBC documentary and yeah, that was extreme.
10 comments
I'm starting to run into the snarky or slightly-teasing comments now. It's funny that breastfeeding past 12 months somehow puts a target on your back, even to other moms and other moms who nursed.
Some days I think M is done, and then the next day he wants to nurse three times again. If it's important to him, it's important to be. There are few things he actually seems to care about at 16 months, and I can give him this as opposed to all of his brother's toys.
Plus he's far less cuddly than S and nursing is the only time I get a captive little audience to love on.
I exclusively breastfed my youngest of 4 for 22 months…he never had one single bottle. I wish I would have breastfed the other 3 but wasn't educated on it…nor was I committed at the time they were born. It is a huge commitment..and worth every moment. Congrats to you!!
Ooh, I didn't see the BBC thing. But I remember seeing a Dateline or something or other on the same topic. I'm pretty sure the kids were older than three.
Anyway, it seems that if we would just trust breastfeeding moms to do what's best, we could all stop worrying about this. The general opinion seems to be that bfing to two or a little beyond is fine and "normal." For me, this is another issue where everyone wants to get their hands (literal, figurative) on a woman's body and show her what's best. Gah. It's annoying.
And if you'll forgive me an OMGTWINS!!! moment, congrats to you for breastfeeding twins for 16+ months!
I'm so glad you've been able to continue! Makes me wish for the chix to be little again. Though their current age (11.75 yrs) may have something to do with that. Ugh.
Anyway, your boobs are YOUR business! Keep it up, or quit, and be glad you'll have the good memories and the girls' good health forever.
First, a figurative chest bump for nursing twins at all, and lovely that nursing is still part of your family's routine. Second, I hope you're finding answers to your "Wean Me, Seymour" dilemma. I'm also facing weaning before I want to. For me it's financial–a job that takes me of town for an extended period of time. On the surface I'm sure many could say to us "You've nursed them so much already! They are great! Your health/family's financial situation is too important to sacrifice for nursing, at least at this point in time!" And yet does it make it any easier? I would of course counsel you that if another medication would make you feel better daily then it seems like a good idea. I would also counsel you that if you don't want to wean you shouldn't. Sigh. Not to mention if we wean we're both potentially in for "Postpartum Depression Part 2: The Weaning." So I'm sure the potential hormonal crash will be greeeeaaaaat.
When you are all no longer content with nursing, that is when its time to stop, never allow outside influences decide what is best for you or your famiy. I was more than depressed when my milk left and not for the lack of trying to keep it going, my new pg obviously was beating out my mammaries. My kids have all weaned before I would classify it as "extended" but I think it was more because I had nothing coming out compared to, I think they are too old to be nursed anymore. The longest I have been able to go is 13 months the shortest almost 7, I hope to go at least 13 months and beyond with this one.
I'm pretty sure I saw that same documentary and those girls were way too old to be taking mom's milk straight from the tap. My only argument for that poor mom is that she could pump into a cup all she wants and let her girls drink the milk that way. Otherwise, she needs to cut them off.
However, I think that even at 2 or 3 years old…extended breastfeeding is fine. Each child and circumstance is different. My son is almost 3 and I could totally see him still nursing if breastfeeding worked out for me. But my daughter, I really couldn't imagine breastfeeding working out for her past 18 months and that's a stretch……but my boobs are so small they were both starving at the breast so I just resorted to formula. Like seriously, I just wear t-shirts instead of bras and nobody is none the wiser.
That's amazing that you've been nursing twins for sixteen months! Though to me, anything with more than one is completely amazing.
Here is an article from Mother magazine last year. I thought you might appreciate some different views about breastfeeding from different places around the World. http://indianapolis.momslikeme.com/members/Journa…
I think breastfeeding is one of those natural things in life that should be altered by at least someones opinon, but yours
Enjoy
Thank you for your post. I have a daugther who still loves breastfeeding and is 4 and a half. I have had a lot of pressure from other people (mostly indirect) and always love hearing another mum's story.
My recent post Mommy Brain
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