A Passing
I have lost many people in my life. My wonderful grandparents on both sides of the family. My step-father. Beloved pets.
But I’ve never lost a friend. I’ve never had a friend die.
Die. Dead. How can a friend. Be dead?
The words don’t make sense in the same sentence. Because people who die are gravely sick, or old, or addicted to dangerous drugs, or reckless and irresponsible. There’s an explanation for the death. There’s a moment or a choice or a lifestyle or an illness that you can point to and say, “Oh, he died of a heart attack,” or “She died from cancer.”
A dear friend died in a motorcycle accident yesterday. His sister contacted me through Facebook to break the news and we spoke on the phone shortly afterwards.
The news was so shocking, so abrupt, that I thought it was a joke.
The finality of death, the eternity of it, the forever-ness of it, has always been the most painful thing to understand. But at least there’s always been a cause.
This time, though, I’m at a complete loss. He’s still here. I can still hear his voice. I can still hear his motorcycle pull up to the house. I can still hear his uproarious laughter bouncing off the walls.
There’s his spot on our couch. He swam in our pool and ate Chinese food with us. We all got fired from our jobs together. We all started our own company together. We exchanged secrets.
Our cats peed on his motorcycle helmet and we bought him a new one. He clogged our toilet and, while piss-water flooded the bathroom, he calmly asked, “Errr….you got some towels or something?” He formed a band with my husband. He didn’t flinch when Chris burned a rack of ribs on Memorial Day.
He took me on my first (only) motorcycle ride. He gave me binoculars for my birthday. He took me to Chili’s when I was pregnant. He came to my baby shower.
His hair turned gray. He laughed louder. He got smarter and sharper. He was finally going to buy a couch for his apartment.
And then he died.
Dammit, Troy. God dammit. We miss you.
9 comments
I'm so sorry. I know you're not exactly thinking about yourself right now, but this can't be good for depression/anxiety. Don't forget to take care of yourself.
I'm so sorry to hear your news. You & your friend will be in my prayers. Take care of yourself (snuggling the nurslings may help a bit, too).
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your stories show so much love between you guys. I hope memories like those can help you find some comfort and be able to try and make sense of the loss right now.
with love and sympathy, JILL
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know there is nothing anyone can do to help, no words will stop the pain, just know that I am here. As are all the BZ moms. ((HUG))
Sorry to hear about your friend passing away. Shortly after graduating high school, a friend of mine had a car accident and died. It was very VERY tragic. I've blogged about it……..but don't remember when. It was very sad on many different levels and not fair. Not that death of a young person is ever fair, but especially so for her. Her father had abused her since she was 3 or 4 years old …..and continued to do so until she turned him in when she was 17. She graduated high school a few months later, and a few months after graduation she got married and a few weeks later died in a car accident on her way home from work.
That was a really great post– he was lucky to have you guys as friends, and you were lucky to have him. I'm thinking of you . . .
Thinking of you guys — I remember meeting Troy at your baby shower
So sorry for your loss
Sorry for your loss Idoia, I have been there. Tho the circumstances were slightly different instead of a motorcycle it was a honda civic, and a head on with a truck. It was the first time I had been close to someone my age that died, I have had aquaintances pass but I wasn't around at the time so didn't experience it the same. It is shocking and tragic on so many levels and then you remember your friend isn't there anymore. All you can do is remember the funny times and the inside jokes only you had together. Its been 6 years and its still fresh.
Thinking about you every day.
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