At the Pump
It’s 10:45 on a Saturday night and I’m at the pump. No, not the gas pump — the breast pump.
I’m still nursing my 14-month-old twins. I can’t say what I thought it’d be like to breastfeed this long because I really had no idea what I was in for when we started. My mom always told me that it was normal and beautiful to breastfeed, so I just figured I’d put a couple of babies on my boobs and it would be all natural and easy and organic and happy.
Ha. Ha.
I am a breastfeeding advocate and believe that every mother should at least give it her best effort to nurse her child/ren (barring emotional/physical trauma that makes breastfeeding exceedingly awful). (And I’m not anti-formula-feeding. I understand every situation is different and I don’t judge any mother . . . oh for fuck’s sake, you know what I mean.)
Anyhow. I’m trying to say that breastfeeding has been full of issues. Oh sure, plenty of joy, beauty, happiness, etc.
But man.
When you read breastfeeding books, go to support groups or La Leche League meetings, you develop this image in your head of a blissful infant at the breast, the mother smiling contentedly while cuddling her suckling child . . .
No mention of how long or when or how often. No mention of the physical/mental toll, breast infections, clogged ducts, gigantic nipples, stretch marks, lactating during sex (yep, happens). The social awkwardness, emotional drain, self-deprivation and self-castigation. The feeding rejections, nursing strikes, teething, illnesses. The fact that full-time working mothers have a damned-near impossible feat trying to breastfeed full time while working 10-hour days . . .
Don’t get me wrong. Breastfeeding is and has been absolutely the most awesome thing for my girls and for me ever ever ever. It’s wonderful and completely possible, even with twins.
But damn. Basically everything you need to know about breastfeeding in modern society? Kinda sorta majorly overlooked.
Leave your $.02 in the comments. I’d love to hear what you all think.
10 comments
I am with ya 200% on this post! I LOVED nursing my twins and was sad to give it up at 7 months when we did. That being said, HOLY SHIT, why didn’t anyone tell me that its HARD? I too, had the beautiful happy image of two babies snuggled against me while an angel floated over-head lightly strumming a harp and all was well with the world. WRONG. The initial shock of ‘ohmigosh, this effing hurts’ wore off pretty fast, but for me, nursing was a battle. Every.single.day. I think the hardest part for me was the emotional battle. The worrying– are they getting enough? Did twin a eat on the left or the right last time? I only pumped two ounces– is my supply drying up? ahhhh. Its hard, and it sucks most of the time, but its totally, completely worth it!
I find nursing a singleton to be challenging–twins? Wow! I think that I’m starting to dry up now, after almost 13 months of breastfeeding. I’ve been adding in pumping sessions, but I can’t manage to keep up with his demand. I’m okay with that though. After a challenging start, and the teeth, and the illnesses, and the long nights of cluster-feedings, I am still so very glad that I breastfed my son. I have never felt so close to anyone in my life. But, at the same time, I’m ready to allow nursing to end gradually. I think that my body is starting to say that we’re about ready to be done, and he is saying it too. My breasts are never full anymore, and he really only wants to actually be at the breast in the morning and evening. I’m not “planning” on weaning him, but I will let it end naturally…whatever that means.
I didn’t breastfeed……wasn’t working with my first and I was too tired and dumb to dive into what the problem was. She was basically about a week old and so dehydrated she hadn’t urinated in a really long time and I was like Forget This!
With my second it was working but the kid had reflux so dang bad that I wanted to try rice added formula and that made things worse and before I figured it all out, my chest was done making milk. . . .or at least almost done and again, too tired and dumb to worry about relactation. He spit up in buckets until he was almost a year old and at almost 3 he still refluxes sometimes. Eugh!
Anyway, for what it’s worth, I think a mother breastfeeding is the most beautiful thing ever.
I never ever thought I would breast feed, then found out I was having twins. Well, they came early and with the help of a dear friend who is a lactation consultant I was able to get my boys feeding soon after they came home from the hospital. I was pumping around the clock while they were in the hospital and the nurses were so supportive of every ml that I gave them to feed my babies. I quickly got annoyed with my pump and gave it up when my boys were about 6 months old. We had not used our frozen milk as the boys were not fond of bottles. My boys are in the process of self weaning (they feed at night before bed but have been skipping a night or 2 in a row lately;) they turned 2 in October and I can’t believe that we made it this long. I was elated to be able to donate my freezer stash of milk to a mom in my area who did not have a supply big enough to support her little one. I know that every mom does their very best for their babies. You do what you can. The challenges are many no matter what path you choose, look for support from other moms and you will find someone who you connect with. I have been so happy to help other moms and am humbled by their want of information from my experience. You are so real, thanks for sharing your experiences. You are an amazing mom and your girls are just darling.
I also agree 100%. Why doesn’t anyone say how really really hard it is? Those I know that tried and weren’t successful had no idea how hard it would really be, so it was easier to quit than press on. It’s not a made-for-tv-movie where all babies are happy, fat and breastfeed like they were doing it in the womb. It’s hard work, and i can’t believe you’ve done it for 14 months with TWO! You are superwoman.
I just loaned my pump to my friend last week. Her response… “you have no idea how much time/effort in my day you just saved me. Oh wait, yes you do” She is nursing triplets and has made it almost 6 months, mostly pumping. Our wonderful insurance system is taking away her rental (aka super sucker) and those things aren’t cheap! And, although I totally understand the carting the pump back and forth every day, washing the equipment, storage, supply issues etc., I could never, in a million years, begin to understand what it really must be like to pump/nurse 3. Pure Hell???? Only survivable with lots of coos and toothless grins.
As for me, my kid self-weaned at 11 months only to decide a month later he wasn’t done. So, I’m back to nursing every morning. OK, every morning that his big brother is sleeping in and not up distracting someone. But, I will NOT pick up that pump for a long time.
Girl, you are amazing! Go Boobs Go!!!!
So glad you posted this and I couldn’t agree more! Eight months into nursing and I, too, am beyond happy that I’ve stuck with it. I read several breastfeeding books before having my son and was super gung ho, but it is not an endeavor to be entered into lightly. Among bleeding nipples, clogged ducts, a gradually decreasing milk supply (that has, in a few instances, totally tanked), taking nine (NINE!) supplements a day to maintain supply, and squeezing in three to four pumping sessions a day while working full time, my biggest struggles have been guilt and self-doubt. Guilt that I might have to resort to formula for help (the horror!) and doubt that my kid is never getting enough. Many breastfeeding resources allow their ardor to promote the breast overwhelm the reality that, while great, breastfeeding is effing hard. It’s worth all the work, but I wish more books had noted this, so I didn’t feel like a failure when I started to experience problems with supply. And formula has been a great help in clutch moments. So, yes, YEAH BOOBS! But I hope others won’t put undue pressure on themselves when it starts to falter. You can absolutely get back on track, but every mom should be aware of the work it entails.
I have 4 sons and only breastfed my youngest….he weaned at 2 yrs old! He never ever had one single bottle….I breastfed in restaurants, in the park, at the mall, in the car, etc. I had my share of blocked ducts and mastitis. My only regret? That I didn’t nurse my other 3!
If you keep nursing, your supply won’t really ever completely dry up. But there’s definitely a big difference in supply as the babes eat more solids. I’ve stopped worrying about the supply and just nurse when they want to. Like you say, I’ll just let weaning happen naturally.
I wanted desperately to breastfeed, but nature had other plans. My nipples are naturally flat, and no trick could get them to stretch enough for my boy to keep latched on long enough, and I wasn't making enough milk anyway. I tried everything – pumping, hot compresses to let it down, fenugreek supplements to stimulate lactation… nothing worked. When you pump for half an hour and get 10ml, you know your body isn't playing ball. We started topping up with formula after four days, because he'd gone floppy with hunger and dehydration, and went full time at three weeks. I won't hide how bitterly hurt I was, but I had done my best.
Leave a Comment