Actual Conversations – a.k.a. Things That Piss Me Off, Part Dos
I’ve written before about things that piss me off with having twins. I know, I shouldn’t be so bitter. Twins are awesome and people are naturally curious. Hell, I’ve been guilty of saying to another twin mom on the street, “Oh, twins! How old are they?”
BUT.
There is one question that is simply idiotic. Unnecessary. Crazy, even.
The question to which I refer?
“Are they twins?”
The first time someone asked me this, I was so caught off guard that I stammered a polite, “Y-y-yes, they are.” But when it happened again and again — almost every time we go out now, actually — I got a little snarky. “No, they’re not.” “Nope, I found one on the street.”
And that’s only because I don’t have the guts to say what I really want to say: “Funny thing, actually. They look exactly alike, they both emerged from my vagina on the same day — but I have no idea who they are or what they’re doing in my stroller!”
Or maybe: “No, they’re three years apart, but they sure look like twins, don’t they?”
Or: “Eh, not sure. We’re still waiting to get on the Maury show to find out.”
What’s even more astonishing is that I’ve actually had this conversation:
Lady at the grocery store: “They’re twins, aren’t they.”
Me: “Yes.”
Lady at the grocery store: “Yup, I knew it.”
Me: “Um . . . Hm.”
What I really wanted to say: “Can I get your name? Because the next time the clue on Jeopardy is ‘The biggest fucking moron in the world’, I can answer, ‘Who is . . . YOU!’”
And this conversation:
Chick at the post office: “Twins?”
Me: “Yep.”
Chick at the post office: “I can tell. I’m an identical twin.”
Me: “Ah . . . ”
What I really wanted to say: “Well hell’s bells! We’ve been wondering this whole time. We should have asked you first because darned if the doctor couldn’t tell!”
I could understand this question if my girls looked different from each other — one had red hair and one had no hair. One was fair and one was tan. One was small and one was large. But my girls look very much alike to the average (or below average?) stranger on the street.
So.
This is me, trying to keep a smile on my face. This is me, trying to feel proud of how cool my twins are. This is me, trying not to throttle the next douche nozzle that asks if two babies who are clearly the same age and who look almost exactly alike are twins.
7 comments
I find this totally funny.. not because I have twins but because my boys are 15 months apart, I dont dress them alike and I still have older women coming up to me asking if they are twins!! REALLY? One is/was an infant and the other walking around talking to me! People are morons
I get that a lot too. I was recently in a store and the lady behind the counter asked if they were twins. When I said yes, she apologized because she knew they probably were, but earlier that day, she had told another mom how cute her twins were, but it turned out the two were 10 months apart (one was 2, the other almost 3). So she didn’t want to assume any more!
I can only begin to imagine how annoying it is.
I went to a baby expo with my friend a few days ago who has twins a week younger than my daughter. I got IGNORED by the exhibitors the entire time because I was with her and she had OMGZ TWINZ! We would walk up at the same time and they would throw free shit at her and not even look at me. Me and my singleton, mere peons, you know. So annoying.
By the end she was like “here you push the twin stroller, I’m sick of people!”
Ugh. Don’t ya just wanna smack people? Like I can see if they were like two or three, maybe then they could be a year apart, but for heavens sakes people they are freaking babies.. they are not old enough to be a year apart. I’m with ya on the getting snarky, sometimes I just can’t contain myself anymore!
Haha that post office one is the best. As opposed to “I can tell, because I have eyes.”
I get asked all the time if my daughter and my niece are twins (they’re 4 months apart but P is chubby and tall, and niece E is skinny). I don’t get annoyed because they very well could be fraternal twins, but I can’t imagine having two identical babies and having to answer that all the time.
I hated this soooo much too. I still do, but now it’s less.
My girls are fraternal and dont look anything alike but that question would still piss me off. I was often tempted to say, “no the one on the right is my grandmother from Boca, she’s just visiting”
I just dont get why we have to stabd out everywhere we go. I totally get how celebs feel now.
FYI: The BEST thing that I purchased for this, is a Phil & Ted Stroller, one in the fornt, one in the back- by the time they realize there are two babies in there, you are down the street! just saying…
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