Update on My Brains

With regard to my depression and medication, I’ve pretty much been in maintenance mode.

The Zoloft is keeping me from doing anything drastic and it’s mostly curbed that horrible feeling of desperation and loneliness. But if we talk percentages, I’m hovering between 65-75%. Doable, but I could definitely feel better.

I still get hit with deep, dark waves of depression. There are days when I want to cling to my husband and never let go, just to feel the warmth and companionship of another human body next to me, just to get rid of that gripping sense of emptiness — as though if I hugged him hard enough, maybe I could absorb some of him to fill up the hole in my chest.

I’m still having a tough time getting motivated and I spend a good portion of the day feeling terribly groggy. Sleeping is still a battle — some nights I only wake up once or twice, others I toss and turn for hours on end. There are still, ahem, intestinal issues.

Plus, for the past 2.5 weeks, I’ve been feeling like I’m “coming down with something” all the time, along with a persistent sore throat and utter exhaustion. Not sure if that’s the meds or if I have SARS or parasites in my eyes or something.

I’ve kept my appointment with the freakshow of a shrink I went to last time (mainly as backup — and blog fodder, as someone commented), but I do have another appointment next week with another practice about 40 minutes away. (Yeah, our insurance SUCKS. After some research, I’ve discovered that all of the shrinks that are covered in our city are addiction specialists. Hm, what does that say about our area?) The problem is that this shrink is booked, so I’m seeing a nurse practitioner. Don’t know what she can do for me, but maybe she can at least adjust my meds.