Taming the Bull(y)
September 25, 2009 11 Comments
Althea’s a character. She really is. If we’re going to generalize, Elise is sweet and subdued. Althea’s a bulldozer.
And, I hate to say this, but she’s kind of a bully toward Elise.
I hate to say it because I don’t want to say anything negative about my kids. I also hate to say it because I certainly didn’t instill this in her, not even inadvertently. This is just her personality.
For instance.
Elise has the spoon.
Althea spots Elise with the spoon.
Because Elise has the spoon, Althea decides the spoon is Extremely Super Rad. Now, Althea wants the spoon.
Althea makes a move for the spoon. Elise pulls it away.
Undeterred by Elise’s protests, Althea pulls on Elise’s shirt and pushes her to the ground.
Spoon = stolen.
Althea has the Extremely Super Rad spoon.
Elise = sad.
Elise seeks the comforting arms of Ama.
The problem is, how the hell do I tame this?
The whole parenting thing has been pretty easy so far. Oh sure, I’ve endured two babies coming out my vagina, stretch marks, extreme sleep deprivation, starvation, dehydration, depression, financial hardship, sacrifice.
But I haven’t really had to discipline before. It’s kinda hard. Because I just want to hug them a lot.
For now, I’m pulling Althea away, telling her that Elise is playing with the toy, and distracting Althea with something else. I figure she’s too young to grasp the whole “why we don’t steal spoons from other people” concept, so I’m relying on the whole “hey, here’s this other super awesome thing that you might like instead” concept.
11 comments
I don’t even know how to parent my one very well yet, so I don’t know what to do about two, but…man, you got both out vaginally? Dang. And I thought I was cool for doing a natural vaginal birth. You’ve got a SuperVag!
Awww, Elise’s face is so sad when she’s crying! But it never stops! It’s the same story with Clara (who’s almost 3 now) and Meredith. They ALWAYS want what the other one has, so they steal it and make each other cry. Atleast Clara is old enough to understand what I’m telling her, but Meredith on the other hand doesn’t get when I take her away and give her something else while Clara is running the opposite direction screaming ‘meredif, NOOOOOOOOO…AAAAAAAHHHH’
Good luck!
My guys are doing this exact same thing. Its so annoying! They take turns being the abuser but its much more C than J. I don’t know what to do either. C has gotten to the point where he cries if I tell him no, even if I say it in the most gentle loving voice. So either way somebody is crying! ahhh! I think your strategy of diverting attention is the best one for now!
I’m not sure whether to pout for Elise or smile that you got this all in stills! Well done, Ama! We tell my niece, “Not nice, you share,” and show her how to share. She caught on, so I guess it worked. So when we say, “You share,” she usually does. It’s tough to discipline them because they are so darn cute, but I guess you have to. They’ll catch on. Good Luck…you got this! xoxo
Your parenting method of distraction has some technical name – it is our daycare’s official discipline method. Good instincts.
oy, sharing is tough. i mean, it is a super rad spoon… i wouldn’t wanna give that shit up. in my experience, we’re just really starting to “discipline” the magoo. before now, it served no purpose, he didn’t get it. so we would just distract him with something else to destroy.
good luck!
You can definitely start introducing a firm “NO” and “share.” In just a few months they’ll have a good grip on what’s a no no and what’s a yes yes.
Relatedly “No No Yes Yes” is a great book for working on simple concepts for behavior.
since i am not in a position to leave parenting advice (i have four kids…but i would like get out two Dum-Dum pops and be like “Look! Lollipops!!”) i will simply say that they are gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. And that you are already doing an amazing job!
xo
I think your method is great. Sophie and Lexi have this encounter too – and they are almost 7 and 2 (tomorrow). I am continually telling the big one to stop taking what the little one has. In my case, I can send the big one to her room or away and force her to give back the stolen toy. Distraction is great and when they get bigger and can understand – then you can give the spoon back to whichever one had it and explain why the other has to find her own Super Rad Spoon. I LOVE the pictures you got of all this, they’re both so adorable even when tormenting each other.
Dude, no amount of teaching has taught my two boys how to share and they’re 4 and 2. Maybe girls are different. My two just fight to the death for whatever it is they’re tousling over. So um, good luck. Heh.
Your girls are supah cute.
I am SO glad you posted this because we have the EXACT same thing going on at our house. Evy is much bigger, and heavier, and stronger…and Lennon is teeny and has not been as healthy and she’s…well…easy to push around. So whenever Lennon has a toy, Evy just takes it. If Lennon tries to fight for it, Evy pushes her down. Most of the time I don’t think she’s being mean about it, she just doesn’t understand. This issue is two-fold…Evy needs to stop being a bully and Lennon needs to stop being a wimp. Did I just say that? lol YES!
So we are doing a combo of telling Evy “No” and “Share” and distracting her with another toy. But you’re right, it’s hard because at this age they totally don’t get it yet.
Just stick with it Momma…the day will come when they WILL understand.
Leave a Comment