Maybe a Tiny Little Ray of Sunshine
I’ve kinda sorta been feeling better lately.
Oh sure, I still struggle to stay awake the first two hours of the day, yawning constantly and pouring cup after cup of coffee down my throat. I’m still sleeping like shit, tossing and turning and unable to get my mind to shut off. And, just to add more insult to injury, I think it’s safe to say that I’m experiencing the diarrhea side effect of Zoloft. Take that image to bed with you.
But the tears, the anxiety, those horrible feelings of despair, desperation, loneliness and emptiness . . . they’re fading. I’ve actually left the house the past two days in a row.
It’s bittersweet. The “sweet” part is that it’s best for me, best for the girls, best for my husband. The “bitter” part is that I hate that it takes pills to fix me. It is what it is.
Friday, I see the psychiatrist. I’m nervous — my insurance apparently sucks donkey balls and there’s only one psychiatrist in a 15 mile radius, so I’m just kind of settling. If he blows, I’ll just have to find someone else.
7 comments
good for you. it is what it is, like you say. people take pills for all sorts of reasons – no reason you shouldn’t take one or ten to help with what you need. here’s to hoping the shrink doesn’t suck
it is what it is hun… and it is what you are doing to take care of YOU in order to best take care of what is your’s.
thinking of you.
Good to hear you’re doing a wee bit better. Baby steps are steps.
My daughter was born after yours, but I’ve experienced depression as well. I am also on Zoloft and I am glad to know the diahreaa may also be a real side effect! Anways, I know how you feel. its miserable. But give the meds time to work. There is nothing wrong with taking them, its just a different kind of vitamin. heads up. cheers!
I’m glad you feel a little bit better. Sometimes our bodies dont’ work right and we have to take pills to “fix” us. Sucks I know but hang in there. I’m glad you were able to get out a bit. Sounds like it is getting better.
I hope your appointment today goes/went well!
I tried depression medication recently… I felt like such an asshole for having to “resort to” taking it. A lot of friends talked to me about how needing more-than-just-therapy isn’t any kind of failure on my part, and how it’s not an indication that I’m broken — sprained, maybe, and in need of a little outside help to start healing myself, but not broken. It sounded like placating bullshit at the time, and this might to you, but I do think that’s a good way of looking at it.
I’m really glad you’re getting yourself help, and that it seems like it’s working a little.
Keep your chin up! I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety most of my life. I hope the psychiatrist helps.
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