Update on My Boobs
June 14, 2009 5 Comments
Things are up and down with my boobs, which is stressing me out and probably causing more problems.
I went to the La Leche League meeting on Thursday. I, as with most breastfeeding mothers I know, had heard many rumors about LLL. Namely, I’d heard that they were militant, feminazi breastfeeding proponents who advocated “nurse-ins” and attachment parenting. Several of my friends were very eager for me to report my findings from the meeting.
My experience was this: La Leche League is definitely a “niche” group, not appropriate for what I’d consider average, Pamper-using, Babies R Us-shopping type families. I will preface my account with the full acknowledgement that I will come across as judgemental and possibly rude, neither of which I’m intending to be. But I admit that I was kind of disappointed with the experience and will not be attending any more meetings. In detail:
From the moment I walked in, it was glaringly obvious I didn’t really belong there. I was the only woman with a stroller — as in, everyone else was “wearing” their babies in various forms of cloth slings and other baby-wearing contraptions. The leader made sort of a big fuss about where to put my stroller, making things slightly more uncomfortable for me.
One by one, ladies and children filtered in as the leader waxed on for a good 20 minutes about the benefits of LLL membership. (Meetings are free but you have to pay for membership, which made zero sense to me. Not much of a business plan in my opinion, but anyway.)
At one point, a woman walked in and, while I didn’t notice how many children were actually hers, I believe she had no fewer than four. What was interesting about her, aside from the number of children, was the fact that she was wearing an uncomfortably short tennis skirt on her very overweight frame. Like I said, not trying to judge. But when she sat cross-legged on the floor, I was like woah damn.
Moving on.
Maybe I was misinformed, but I thought La Leche League was a breastfeeding support group sort of thing. So I was surprised when the leader presented a topic of discussion and we all had to talk about it like we were at an AA meeting. The topic was how much work mothers do when it appears we do nothing at all. We were told to talk about the things we do around the house, and we “learned” how to say them in a more “high-fallutin’” (the leader’s words, not mine) way to give gravity to the otherwise mundane-sounding chores of motherhood.
I actually really liked the topic, but I was getting antsy because I wanted to ask why my boobs were failing me and what I could do to make them work again, and I had two babies who’d had their nap interrupted to come to this group of breast-baring ladies, and here we were trying to make “I clean up shit and vomit” sound more important.
Next, the leader wanted to provide support for the two pregnant women in attendance, which was awesome. Finally, an hour and twenty minutes after the start of the meeting, she opened the floor for breastfeeding questions from the rest of the moms.
By this time, the children were bonkers. Babies were separated from mothers. Boobs were lactating. Kids were crying. Toys were usurped and diapers were desecrated. The din of wails, sobs, gurgles and giggles was distracting, to say the least. I desperately tried to raise my hand but couldn’t quite get in the loop. The mothers clucked at the evils of plastic toys from China. I shyly tried to retrieve my toxic toys from a hemp-shirt-wearing toddler.
Finally, I managed to jump in. “I started on the mini pill and my supply is practically gone. Does anyone have any experience with this? I’m trying lactation cookies, Mother’s Milk tea, fenugreek and cutting caffeine. It’s very important to me to continue breastfeeding.”
For a couple of seconds, no one acknowledged my question. Then, one mother chimed in, “Try Cat’s Claw tea for contraception.”
“Huh?”
“When taken in excess, Cat’s Claw tea can provide natural contraception.”
The leader further pushed for stopping the pill, which I was leaning toward anyway. Another lady suggested sesame for increasing supply, which I hadn’t heard of but found partially corroborated here.
So, after about 60 seconds of addressing my question, we were done. The meeting further devolved from there and I left shortly afterward.
The fenugreek is helping the most, I think. After just two doses (six pills total), I actually sprayed Elise in the face while feeding her at the meeting and have woken up somewhat engorged on a couple of mornings. Unfortunately, this seems to be short lived. Despite the tea three times a day, the cookies, the pills and the EXTREME LACK OF CAFFEINE, my boobs feel “empty” again.
This might just be them regulating, but it’s hard to understand why “regulating” means not producing enough for my babies. The girls are starting to wake up earlier and earlier for an extra feeding at night to make up for the lack of food during their bedtime feeding. They usually sleep from 8 p.m. to 7 a.m. straight through with no feeding. Over the past week, they’ve woken up at 6 a.m., 5:30, 5, 4:30 and finally 3:30 last night.
I am getting super stressed about it, which I know doesn’t help. The horror with Kramer the Kitty is probably doing a number on me, too. I stopped taking the pill three days ago, but so far no change.
I refuse to believe I’ll have to give up breastfeeding. If the girls were 11 months old, I might not feel as adamant, I might not feel such a profound sense of impending loss and failure. But they’re only seven months old and I’m not ready to give up — not for them or for me.
I just don’t understand. Why is my body failing me?
Why is this happening? Is it really that I had such a negative reaction to the pill and those antibiotics from my rotten tooth? Why aren’t all these lactogenic measures “sticking”? Will I have to keep up with these crazy fixes and potions until I wean the babies? How much more do I have to try to make this work?
5 comments
I’ll just comiserate for a second here, as I went through this same grieving process (except at 4 months). I was just so mad that apparently I wasn’t good enough or wasn’t doing the right things to make nursing work. I still have dreams about nursing and I wake up so dissapointed. It’s a little heartbreaking.
I wish I had advice or something for you to try. It isn’t any easy thing to deal with at all.
I just popped over from a twitter account, so I don’t know the age of your children. Do you think they are going through a growth spurt and nursing more often to help your supply increase before they need it?
I wish you all the luck in the world. Too bad to hear about the LLL meeting.
I empathize fully with you on your breastfeeding frustrations. When I was going through it (with both children), I had to begin restraining myself from pummeling the next person who responded to my issue with, “It’s supply and demand. If you feed him more, you will make more.”
At some point after having children, our bodies start to reregulate. For some of us (and why is it us moms that so desperately want to breastfeed) this means our hormones get all wacky and we don’t produce enough milk. I tried every suggested remedy that I could find (minus the, “drink beer,” one – um, what?) to no avail.
I have been told that some doctors will prescribe Reglan to help promote lactation, but I am unsure of how successful this is either.
So take a deep breath, relax and charish the moments you get feeding your little angels while you can. And while you’re taking a wiff of their sweet smelling hair and holding onto their delicate fingers while they’re snuggled up close to you feeding, just know that you have done all that is in your powers. And, Mom, you’ve done good.
Hi! Maria (@MommyMelee) sent a tweet out about you, and I happened to have my mom right next to me at the time. She is a RN on the Mom/Baby unit at UCH in Tampa, with 22 years of experience, as well as having been a lactation consulatant for some time. She read your post (and laughed aloud at parts of it, and nodded in agreement at your perception of the LLL meetings, heh!) and had a few words she wanted me to pass on.
First, she says you should give yourself lots of credit for nursing TWO! babies for seven months. If every baby was nursed for seven months, childhood diseases would be down dramatically, obesity would be down in our children, and nutritionally the upcoming generations would be so much more sound than they are. The commitment to providing your children with the best start you possibly could provide is something you should acknowledge and be proud of.
It’s possible that the combination of the hormones in the mini-pill compromised your supply, as well as the antibiotic for your tooth. It is also possible that the stress of seeing your supply decline could be exacerbating (sp?) the whole problem, so try to stay calm about it. I know, easier said than done, but being upset won’t help matters and could make them worse, so try. She says to be sure that you are drinking plenty of water and getting plenty of calories in each day. She says with two babies, you are getting lots of nursing in, but the best way to increase supply is to pump in between feedings.
She said you may not feel comfortable with her next suggestion, but she said feeding the babies a little cereal before bed may help them sleep longer. However, stretching out the time between feedings will not help increase your supply, so that is something to consider. Most pediatricians don’t recommend anything but breastmilk or formula for the first year, but some babies have higher caloric needs due to their individual metabolisms.
The last thing she said is to consider if it’s possible that the girls are just entering a growth spurt that is demanding more calories, thus more feedings. It’s so tough when nursing-not knowing exactly how much your baby is getting. But if they are growing as expected, she said they are probably getting enough even if they are feeding more often. And the increased feedings could very simply be why your breasts *feel* empty.
I hope all her professional input helps, and I’d like to add something. I know it’s easy to feel like a failure when you are trying to do something that is supposed to be natural. But I asked my mom what percentage of women she sees that had breastfeeding issues. She said probably 75%. *75%* That’s HUGE! And that’s not including things that pretty much *every* nursing mom experiences at one point or another like engorgement. We talked about it for a few minutes and wondered if it was some small kind of evolution in humans that has contributed to the fact that so many babies don’t seem to have the strong instincts to latch on to the breast, and so many breasts don’t seem to produce enough for their charges, so to speak. Or maybe it’s that our modern lifestyles are so fast-paced and stressful that our bodies don’t react to motherhood the way they should all the time. We don’t know, but I thought it was important to stress to you that you are *not* alone, and that the vast majority of women who try to breastfeed have trouble at one point or another. You’ve been able to nurture two babies for seven! whole! months! with your breasts. That’s amazing! I know it isn’t what you had hoped for, but it’s alot more than some women even care to bother, and alot more than some other women are able to, even though they bothered a lot. It’s disappointing, I know, compared to what you expected. But it’s still pretty amazing in the big picture. Your babies are lucky to have such a devoted, strong, loving mommy.
Oh I can imagine how heartbroken you are! I had twin girls too. It was a hard start but after they got the hang of it we had no more problems with nursing and my milk never went down. I am a heavy set person as it is and did not lose all of the 40 lbs I gained with the babies. I started on the shot at 6wks postpartum and gained back 15 of the 25 I lost by nursing. Seven months is a lot longer than some women can even manage to nurse one, so at least they have had a good start. The only thing I can suggest is to make sure you seek all the help you can, and make sure you’re eating enough. I have heard many times that a lot of women don’t eat enough to produce enough milk. I was constantly starving (not in the least due to that damn shot) so eating was not a problem for me
And isn’t normally anyway. So get those carbs and protein in your diet and maybe you’ll see a difference. Also they may nurse more often with a growth spurt if you feed on demand…mine were on a schedule by me the whole time and always ate at certain times, and they were guzzlers and only nursed for about 10 min, so I never really noticed a difference with growth spurts. You can increase their solid food amounts too. Good luck! Our babes looked a lot like yours actually…different noses though.
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