Poked, Smoked and Set on Fire

In a last-ditch effort to naturally induce labor, I went to an acupuncturist this morning. It was my first foray into the world of ‘alternative’ medicine and I’ll admit, I was skeptical. Not because I’m a die-hard believer of Western medicine, but because I’ve tried so many idiotic things to bring on labor at this point that I had zero expectations.

After an initial overview of my health and symptoms, Dr. J took me and Chris back into a small room where I laid on my side on a table. The doctor explained everything she was doing and started out by inserting a bunch of needles into my skin: one on each of my hands, a cluster on my lower back, and several on my feet and ankles. They didn’t hurt at all, but some of them definitely gave off a distinct feeling of energy being released or tapped. Dr. J explained that if a particular point is really full of energy, it’ll give that charged-up feeling when you poke it.

After I was well punctured, Dr. J brought out this brown cotton-y looking stuff. This is called moxa, and it’s placed on the ends of the needles and set on fire.

Yes, I allowed this. No, I was not drunk.

Dr. J warned me that the blazing moxa on my feet would probably feel like it was burning my skin, but assured me that it wouldn’t. Well, one of the needles starting SEARING deep into my foot and I cringed in pain, gently informing her that it burned. “It’s good practice for enduring the pain of labor!” she sang. So endure, I did. Wouldn’t you know the fucker blistered my skin? Maybe there was lots of energy in that one.

After setting me on fire, Dr. J burned some sage and waved the flaming herbs around me and Chris. The whole experience had a lot of fire, now that I think about it. It was like being back at a Grateful Dead show. 

Then, Dr. J put these little ear seeds in my ears. These are teensy tiny silver balls stuck to a bit of adhesive that go on pressure points on your ears. I guess I’m supposed to rub them. They kind of hurt.

Finally, she poked THE TOP OF MY HEAD with a needle. And so I was cooked. Literally. She put me under a heat lamp and let me cook for a while. This part felt lovely and relaxing. 

Nothing’s happened yet, but I’ve been reading that it’s generally a 48-hour window where something might start stirring. Which pretty much puts me out $125 if the doctor wants to induce me tomorrow. 

Sigh. 

At this point, I have tried almost everything in my power. (And NO, I will NOT try castor oil!) This is probably the end of my will, folks. I see Dr. Fantastic tomorrow at 1 p.m. I’ll keep you updated!