This morning I had my first doctor appointment! He smashed my uterus a little bit then we got to the good stuff– the ultrasound!

From the way the doctor was acting that first minute he moved the wand around, I thought for sure something was wrong. He asked, “Did they do an ultrasound after your miscarriage?” “Did they do any exam while you were miscarrying?” “Did they do a D&C?” I thought, OMG, there’s something horrible going on. I pictured myself on one of those weird Discovery Health stories where “I have 1 1/2 babies” or “I am my own twin” or something bizarre.

But thank god, that wasn’t it. He was asking those questions so he could show me the difference with my pregnancy now. We saw the little smudge that is our Shrimpy. The Shrimp is measuring 8mm, right on target with my calculations– about the size of a grain of rice, the doc said, so we’re possibly renaming him/her Ricey.

Then, the doctor stopped the wand and pointed to a little flickering dot on the screen. “See that? That’s the heartbeat.”

I lost it. Just started bawling right there. The nurse gasped an “Aw!!” and Chris kissed my forehead. That was our little Shrimp. Alive.

I think I cried at least two or three more times during the appointment. The doctor said that seeing and confirming that the baby has a heartbeat puts the risk of miscarriage much lower. “Not zero,” he said, “but rare.”

I don’t care if he was just trying to make me feel better by saying that. It worked.

I have my next appointment on April 30. That one will be the Real Deal, the long appointment with a midwife to take all my history and stuff. Chris and I are definitely still considering the birthing center, but I want to keep the doctor appointments in the meantime. Tomorrow night we’re going to a second birthing center here in town, in fact. Update on that later.