I totally just KILLED my own personal record!
Wanna know what it is?
I have officially been un-pregnant for the longest amount of time since first realizing my fertility back in late 2007!!
That’s right, folks, Elias just turned 17 months and I am still NOT PREGNANT! (Oh, and I’ve also broken my personal record for nursing. I nursed the twins for 16.5 months and Elias is a few weeks past that.)
After three back-to-back pregnancies resulting in four children, being not-pregnant with no chance of getting pregnant for the first time in more than 6 years is so fucking amazing. (And please don’t read too much into this. I am not intending to be callous or insensitive to people struggling with infertility or loss. This is just my personal journey here.)
As Elias nears the 18-month mark, I finally, finally feel like we’re getting on with our lives. The proverbial light is finally in view. We’ve even started planning our first out-of-state family vacation in September.
Mentally, I feel like I’ve stabilized. This is a big deal for me, as I’ve dealt with depression and bipolar II disorder for most of my life, not to mention severe post-partum depression after all of my pregnancies. A few months ago, the woman who does my acupuncture started me on a natural supplement called Grounded, specifically formulated for mood disorders such as bipolar disorder. That, coupled with other Chinese herbs and a serious dedication to meditation, has been a game-changer for me.
Things are pretty good right now. Sure, there are everyday dramas and stress and nonsense to deal with. None of that has gone away. But in the past year, I’ve made major progress in finally addressing the seriousness of my mental instability, stress level, and need for self-care.
That’s my bi-monthly check-in for you. This blog has been a big part of my life since 2007/2008 and I often think about what to do from here. It’s not really a place I can be honest anymore; too many people around town and in my personal sphere know about it. I can’t lay out my personal struggles, relationship drama, or — despite years of waxing poetic about my uterus, cervix, boobs, bloody show, and other graphic novelties of pregnancy and nursing — anything related to my body anymore.
(Related true story: There was a woman at the twins’ school who was also expecting when I was pregnant with Elias. After she gave birth, I ran into her husband during pickup at school. He stopped me and exclaimed, “Hey! So we found your blog! We were Googling “lost mucous plug” when she was in labor and that’s how we found it!” OMFG, seriously?!)
For others who have kept parenting blogs, what have you done as your children have gotten older and issues of anonymity came up? Do I just take this sucker down? Change names? What to do?